Well done sir . Quite possibly one of they finest rants I've read . I remember my first beer . Jk manYou know.... I liked the website at first. The top secret MonkeyLite thing was cheesy but sure.. fine... Whatever. It's all fancy and neat.
Then I told a joke and was accused of being negative.
Negative? Really? Huh.... Let's see...
*deeeeeep breath*
Sure you obviously have some big money backing the operation, but it still looks fly-by-night to me. You guys are way behind schedule and over budget. You're rushing to get caught up and it shows.
Chimes? Really? Do they make little 'ding ding ding' sounds when you ride it? Couldn't take 5 minutes to spell check you're technical specifications?
The arrows that point to the invisible footholds are cool too. I guess you got into a big hurry to get the prototype done for the photoshoot/ launch and couldn't knock that out. Looks like there's a lot of room there to.... Glass holds in... Oh wait... You can't glass onto plastic real well can you. Do we use caulk? Should we all throw away the composites and resin in our garage to buy plastic welders? Those are cheap and easy to use I bet. I'm sure you'll sell those too.
Maybe next time you'll plan far enough ahead to order an entire sheet of hydro turf to turf the rails. How many seams are there exactly? You have this highly paid team of Marketing Gorillas and that's what you launch with?
But you sure launched hard.
"Nuclear launch" That's one of those fancy terms you tell investors so they think you're doing something with their money. LOL "yes sir, were burning your money in this NUCLEAR fire of marketing!"
LOL you seriously promised someone, or a group of someone's that you'd sell 250 hulls this year? It's almost April bro. That's 35 hulls per month. That's like 1.05 per day or something, all the way into winter.
What's scary is that people are investing who don't know how ridiculous it looks to have wind chimes on the bottom of a hull and 19 seams in your turf job. They're like 'I say ole boy... Isn't this website the cat's ass?!?' And through the scotch and cigar fumes you hear 'yes yes! It's stupendous! And as I understand it, they'll be going nuclear at any moment. I'm not quite sure what that means but it sounds very tenacious! Hahahhahaha' and they climb into their bentleys and get chauffeured off to Pebble beach or some other wealthy person destination.
You've got a fat bank roll and investors who you've promised some impossible stuff to but I'm not falling for the hype. You can keep your $6500 ding ding hull man.
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